My little girl

We have all done it at some point or another. Well, you have if you are a girl. What am I talking about? Wanting to be like your mother. Sure, when you get to be a teenager you can't stand her and when you become a mother, you find yourself sounding like her. But when you are little, you look at her and think, "I want to be just like her." And I have now experienced what it is like to be on the other side of that.

My little girl is a handful. She is sassy beyond belief, opinionated, and bossy. And she is only 2 years old. I guess I deserve a girl like that considering that everyone says she is just like me and sometimes she drives me crazy. But lately she has entered that realm of wanting to be like me. She talks to her baby dolls the way I talk to her and her brothers. When her dolls get in trouble, she says the same things I say to her when she is in trouble. She tries to nurse her babies like I do with her baby brother (that part is a little weird but what am I gonna do?). And she likes to put them in her shirt to simulate the way I carry the baby around in my sling. She watches me closely and mimics my every move. She even wears her purse like I do.

Today, she got mad because her baby wouldn't fit in the shirt that she was wearing. So, I got out the extra piece to my K'TAN (the sling) and tied it to her for her to wear her baby. As I looked at my daughter trying to be just like me, I became incredibly humbled. What in the world have I done that someone would look up to me like she does? That I would have someone who wants to be just like me? I don't deserve that kind of admiration. Then I started thinking about the things I am teaching her. The immense weight of my job as a mother came crashing down on me in one of those rare moments when everday life stops and you realize the impact you are having on a human life. I am responsible for teaching her everything - right from wrong, how to love, how to be angry, how to react when things don't go as planned, how to treat people, how to live. I'm far from perfect and when I see her imitate me in my not-so-great moments, I feel ashamed that I have taught my daughter these things. When she looks at me and tries to mimic my motions, it makes me laugh.

All of this has made me realize that I am not enough. I am not enough when it comes to teaching her how to be. The only way that I will teach my daughter, and my sons for that matter, is to give my life to Jesus everyday. He is the only one who can make me see my screw ups and help me to fix them. He is the only one who can make me into a good example for my children. I will still mess up, but He will use that for His glory in some way that I can't see or imagine. I only hope that I am wise enough to ask for His help and not try to do it on my own. We all know how that would turn out! Yikes!