Funny Things Nolan says

So it's only 8 am and already I have had cause to laugh because of my son. He always get a packet of Go-gurt in the morning. Go-gurt, in case you don't know, is yogurt in a squeezable package so there is less mess. Anyway, he yells from the living room "Mama, my yogurt isn't working. Oh, cause it's not open. Hahahahaha." What makes it better is that this sounded exactly like I do when I do something dumb. Hilarious.

Twenty minutes later he tells me that he really wants it to snow, like I can help that. So I tell him to pray about it because God is the one who decides those things. So he starts to pray (while going to the bathroom, which I think makes this funnier). "Dear Jesus, make it snow, please. So I can go out in the snow and then come open my presents. So make it snow, please. Amen." Soooo cute, right? I love that kid.

Things I love but don't understand

There are some things in this life that I love but don't really understand, hence the title. Here are a few of those things.

1. Happy hour. Great concept, and I love it. However, it is never just an hour long. It's usually like 4 hours long. So shouldn't it be Happy Time or Happy Hours? Maybe it's just me.

2. The song "If I die young" by the Band Perry. This is a very catchy song and I really like it but what is it about? Obviously about dying young but is it about her or someone they know or what? I don't know. I need an explanation.

3. Boys. Like, why do they show love by hitting each other? How can they be BFF after getting into a fist fight?

4. The stock market. Ok, I don't actually love the stock market per se, I just don't get how it works.

5. Justin Bieber. I don't love him either, I just want someone to please tell me why he is so famous. Along with the cast of Jersey Shore and most celebutants.

So there they are. I only love 3 of the 5 but still, if anyone can explain any of these things to me I will be most grateful.

Funny Things Nolan Says

So here's a couple more funny things that just happened today:

We are at Olive Garden and while the waiter is handing us our check Nolan says..."My butt is so sweaty!" This is followed by an awkward pause and laughter.

He likes to quote movies, especially Cars, but lately he is has been quoting the line from Toy Story, "You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful."

Help me out here people!

Hello again. I am a little frustrated today so let me begin with a little background and then, my rant.

Due to a sequence of events which I don't care to recall (ok, my husband broke the couch he made me buy a year ago that I hate after I told him it was about to break but he did nothing about), I went to a furniture store to buy a new couch. While there, we also bought a new recliner because my husband loves them (I hate them). I also happened upon a bedroom suit that I had been after for years that was on sale. It was the floor model and they were not going to be offering it again so it was a sweet deal that I couldn't pass up. After some butt-kissing and negotiation, it was mine! This new furniture is going to be delivered Thursday so I have to get rid of the old crap, I mean, stuff (hey it has lasted since both my husband and I were in high school, I guess it's pretty good).

So, I go on a website where people can post things they need to sell, kind of like a yard sale...Anyway, wonderful website and I actually do love it. I posted last night and by 7:30 this morning I had 9 responses in my inbox. Herein lies my problem and the subject of my rant. I chose a lady who said she was desperate for furniture. She didn't ask for a reduced price like some people and I am a nice person so I wanted to help her out. I email her back and no response. I wait a few hours and still...nothing. Seriously?! So, I decided to call one of the other people. No answer. No return phone call. Why people? You say you want the stuff today and I want it gone today. So answer me already!

I know what you are saying "Bianca, you are a stay-at-home mome. Some people have jobs and cannot be near a computer or phone." And I say to you, "First of all, I know none of those kinds of people. All my friends are always near a computer or phone. Second, you are right and I have thought of this." But this is what I am thinking: tell me that. Yeah, I know. Novel idea, huh? But seriously, think about it. What if you said, "Hey, I want to buy this stuff but I will not be available between these hours to answer an email or phone call. I will get back to you after this certain time"? Is that so hard? I think not!

So hopefully these people will get back to me because the rest of my customers aren't going to wait forever. And thus ends my rant. Thank you for your time and attention.

I'm in love

Ugh! Ok, people, I have to tell you something. I'm in love. I am stupidly, deeply, and passionately in love. With whom, you ask? Well, it's complicated. I am equally in love with several people and I don't know what to do. The names are as follows: Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik, and Christian LeBoutin.

They all understand, of course. They are willing to split me amongst themselves. There is one person is not willing to share me, though. My wallet. It says, "No, Bianca. Love only me. Don't break my heart by swiping that debit card that lies within me. I love you and you need to eat. Your children need to eat." It makes total sense, obviously, in my head. But the heart wants what the heart wants.

This all began when I was reading Mini Shopaholic and she was buying things on eBay. And I thought, "Hey. Why did I never think to look for those on there?" Where I live, there aren't any places to buy such wonderous, beautiful treasures. I thought they were out of my reach. But I was forgetting about a most glorious invention called the INTERNET. I know, it's ridiculous of me to forget that in this day and age but I did so let's get over it. So I got on eBay and what did I see? Hundreds of beautiful shoes, some in my size, that I cannot afford. Tragedy had struck.

I have had this love affair with shoes since college when I got married to a man that doesn't ever really say no. I'm THAT girl that has a million shoes. As a matter of fact, my foot got slightly larger after having children and some of my favorites dont fit me anymore but I can't bear to give them away. Included in this tragic story are my Burberry sandals that I bought on Via Condotti in Rome. Those will stay with me forever.

So, this is where I am now, admiring my lovers from afar. Maybe one day I will find out that I have a rich uncle somewhere that died and left me millions so my lovers and I can unite. Or maybe I am in fact distantly related to one of these designers and we will one day find each other, bond over our love of shoes and live happily ever after. Until then I will content myself to look at their images on the computer whenever I feel the need.

Although, come to think of it, they do cheat on me a lot with other feet. Some with feet that are way uglier than mine and some with famous feet (stupid golddiggers). Ah, who am I kidding? I love them anyway.

Funny things Nolan says

I was just thinking about my lovable, cute son because I was thinking about the things I'm thankful for. So cheesy, right? I know but let's get over it. He says the funniest things all the time and I often forget about them so I decided to copy Allison and put them here for all the world to see but also so I can look back at the good ol' days when he's a teenager and says things that aren't so much funny as they are mean.

1. Nolan to Justin at Walmart: "Daddy if you don't buy me something, I'm going to tell Mommy."

2. Nolan to me after taking a shower with Justin: "Mommy, I smell like a man!"

3. "Mommy I'm going to buy you that." (a Swiffer mop on TV)

4. "Mommy, look at the living room! I vaccumed!"

5. After I tell him to stop crying or we aren't going to McDonald's: "It's not working!"
    "What's not working?"
    "My crying! It won't stop!"

That's it for now. He's a pretty funny kid though so I'm sure I will have more later.

First blog EVER!

So. I have never blogged before and this my feeble attempt at starting one. I don't know what it will be about, if anything, and I cannot promise that you will always agree with what I am saying. I can tell you that at times it may be funny, at times you may cry, and there may be a rant or two or five. I know one thing, though. It will not be very regular. I have two kids so let's face it, it will be hard to get on here on a regular basis.

Today I want to talk about gyms. That's right people! I'm THAT girl...a gym member. I just joined the National Fitness Center today after a rigorous albeit tedious search for a gym that fits my needs and budget. I visited several places...ok, I actually only visited 2 other places besides this one but in my town that IS several. The other places were cool. One even had a cardio cinema that was like a movie theater but instead of seats there were treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals. Awesome, right? However, this gym was one of those places where if you don't have a hard body, you feel like you don't belong. At least, that is how I felt walking in. Once you factor in the insane prices, I knew it was not for me.

The second place I went to was the YMCA. It was okay except they go by your income. I tried to tell them that I am a stay-at-home mom so I have no income but then they went and asked that pesky question about my husband's income. Dang it! So that was out since we make too much money. HA! If only they saw my bills!

So there I was, downtrodden and destined to have my baby fat forever when suddenly I saw the NFC. I was on a trip to the Dollar Tree when I saw it and remember that it had been there forever. It was never very busy. Just the kind of gym I like, one with hardly anyone to see me and my jiggly thighs. I made an appointment and the rest is history. I signed up and am on my way to my first cycling class in years. Now all I need is the self-discipline to control my eating and I will be on my way to Skinny Town-population me! That, however is a story for another time my friends.

So that's my first blog. Hope you like it and the others that will follow.